Party like a wok star!

I am done.
I am done.
I am done.
I am done.
I am done.
I am done.
I am done.
I am done.
I am done.
I am done.
I am done.
I am done.
I am done.
I am done.
I am done.
I am done.
I am done.
I am done.
I am done.
I am done.
I am sick of your bullshit.
I am sick of how you treat me.
I can't keep living like this.


I don't know what I am typing, my hands are just moving,


Secret
I don't tell you how I feel about you because I feel like I will lose you. I want to stay with you. I want to be the one you go to for advice, not the one that you land on in hard times. I won't always be there for you. I want to pull away so bad, but I can't get myself to do it. I love you too much. I feel like we are lying to ourselves telling each other we are best friends. You are my best friend, but am I yours? Do you have one?

best friend

noun

the one friend who is closest to you

You are close to me, am I close to you? Why do I always feel like you are lying to me? Why are you never there when I need you? Why do you yell at me when I most need you? Why am I questioning our friendship in it's entirety?

Why am I asking all these questions?

I tell people things because I feel I can't go to you.

There are so many attractive red heads at my school!
;D

I miss who you used to be.

I have gone between feeling extreme happiness to plain emptiness.

I have been fighting my inner demons for way too long.

how I am a creep.
This is how our conversation went-

"Mom, how does it feel to have a creep as a daughter?"
"Well, I mostly blame myself. I mean I should have brought you up better, maybe I should have locked you in your room when you were younger."
"Ha! I guess it runs in the family, huh?!"
"Wait, what does?"
"Going for way younger guys."
"Who are you going for?"
"Well, there is this band I am in love with right now, and they, well, they are a 12 year old girl band, a Disney Channel band."
"How old are they?"
"19,17, and 14. Look, there they are!"
"They are cute."
"I KNOW!!"
This is the part where I get up and jump around to their music, and sing along...
"Yeah, you are a creep. Wow. I am embarrassed..."
"OH YEAH! They are coming here with Hannah Montana!!"
"You are going aren't you?"
"YOU BET!!"

I think I have a problem...


My computer has horrible sound.

Why do black comics always make fun of white people?
I mean I am not that into comedians, but I don't really know of any white comedians who make fun of black people.

I mean seriously, are all white people punctual?

---

I am going to re-arrange my room in the few remaining hours of the night.
And I bet I am going to listen to Tegan and Sara all night too.
I would seriously go lesbian for them!
Why can't more people be like them?


PS- I am seriously in love with my headband that I made!
=D

 some paint
and
some canvas.

is not funny.

Everything is going how I wanted!
Well, almost everything...


I miss Summer '06.



I love this song!
=D

So I have been thinking lately.
I really don't think how you are treating me is fair.
You take me for granted and I feel like a fool for loving you.
I put so much into our relationship and you treat me like shit.
Ever since you started dating him it is like I don't exist.
I hate him.
I hate what he does to people.
I hate what he has done to you.
He is contoling you and you can't see it.

I have long talks with people about how shitty you treat me.
You make fun of me for stuff that is so cruel to make fun of someone for.
All you do is make fun of me.
I can't take it anymore.
I can't take sitting awake at night trying to think of ways to keep us together, to keep us strong.

I want to tell you to pick either me or him, but I am afraid you will pick him. 
And everyone knows that if you pick him you will go no where fast.


I am scared for what the future holds.

FOR REAL!!!

almost attacked by birds today.

"Yeah.
He was outside smoking, I was eating a donut, I WANT ONE NOW, and we were just chilling, then ALL THE SUDDEN two swallows start swooping down, did you notice the alliteration!!, and they kept doing it for like 5 minutes.
I went inside becuase I am afraid of birds...
And my dad went to the garage.

I don't know where the birds went though..."

That's what I told Whitney!
Whitney, can I call you Whitey?

And at this present moment I could really care less.
I have one more year of being a "child" in the laws eyes.
I have one more year of turning to my parents when I need help.

From here on, I am my own person.

I have come to realize that I am really pathetic. I hide my emotions so well. I have gotten to the point where I have hoodwinked myself into thinking that life is all sunshine and sugar. I know that it isn't, but some how, I think it is. Maybe I should shut myself in for a while and actually think about reality.

These might let you into my mind for a moment.

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